The Leader who stays awake.

As a Catholic leader, one of the most profound privileges of my professional life was undertaking the Mission Leadership Program through Australian Catholic University. Graciously facilitated by Associate Professor Jamie Calwell, the program offered the opportunity to study alongside deeply thoughtful leaders from across the Catholic social services sector, enriching my understanding of the relationship between faith and leadership.

Recently, while praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary, I found myself returning to that relationship in a deeply personal way, drawing on the reflections and learning I carried from the program. Within these mysteries, I find the questions leadership asks of us, together with the answers and reassurance that emerge when we take the time to meditate upon them.

So, what do the Sorrowful Mysteries teaching us about Leadership, maybe it is recognising the experiences that belong to the role. The responsibility of caring for others, the loneliness of difficult decisions, the pain of being misunderstood, and the patience required when we cannot control what happens next.

Throughout my career I have learnt that patterns reveal themselves over time. Past behaviour can help us understand what might follow, whether they be positive or negative. However, when we are living through uncertainty, recognising a pattern does not necessarily bring peace, it can often bring anxiety and confusions. Regardless we need the grace of reassurance, therefore allowing us to endure what is happening without losing our professionalism.

For me as a female Catholic leader, the sorrowful mysteries of the Rosary offer the most profound reassurance. Without such loving grace, I wonder how leaders have the courage to go on. Let me take you through step by step, the powerfulness of mediating on the mysteries. As St Ignatius reminds us, we must examen our consciousness.

In the first mystery, the Agony in the Garden, drawn to the image of the disciples sleeping while Jesus is awake and suffering. There is an invitation here to remain watchful, but another thought stays with me: how precious it is to be able to rest in the presence of someone you trust. Through a leadership lens, that image holds particular meaning. I want the people I lead to feel safe enough to rest. I want them to know that every concern does not have to become their burden, that someone is attending to the responsibilities they cannot see.

Yet as leaders we often recognise and feel the loneliness of being the person who remains awake. Leaders often must hold uncertainty and pain while others continue with their work, unaware of what is being carried on their behalf. My learning is that this care matters, but I also need somewhere to take my own sorrow. Even Jesus sought companionship in the garden.

The Scourging at the Pillar; what does it mean to preserve integrity when we feel exposed, accused or wounded.

Leadership involves accountability, and compliance all of which deserves fair consideration. Yet having our integrity questioned can be deeply painful, particularly when the account being presented feels distant from our intentions or experience. It can unsettle our confidence and lead us to question what we know about ourselves.

The fruit of the mystery, Purity calls us back to the intentions and values that guide our Catholic Social Teachings. It asks us to examine our actions truthfully, acknowledge where I may have fallen short, and remain open to learning. There is reassurance in that reflection. Even when integrity is questioned, we can return to what we know is in our heart. The Purity to act with care becomes a practice we must hold unto our own, especially when we feel the hurt and burdens of leadership.

The Crowning with Thorns, brings me to courage and the vulnerability of leadership. A crown usually represents authority; here, it becomes a source of suffering and humiliation. What a powerful image to remind us how quickly a position of responsibility can become a place of exposure. Titles cannot protect us from rejection or misunderstanding. The harder the task the more difficult it is to remain grounded.

Learning that resilience includes resisting the temptation to let pain determine how we might treat others. As we protect ourselves, we must continue to speak clearly, seek fairness, while we still hold compassion in our hearts.

Carrying of the Cross, how powerful that we must sit in stillness and hold patience. Holding leadership, sitting with discernment, we want clarity, we want resolution. How often we yearn to just put this down. The image of Jesus carrying the cross gives me personally a way to understand perseverance of one step at a time. We must examen our consciousness, remind ourselves that we do not have to feel strong every day, nor must I carry everything alone.

The Crucifixion, I return to the words, "Into your hands I commit my spirit." These words become more than words; they speak to the point where effort meets surrender. There are things I can do: act honestly, respond thoughtfully, seek support and fulfil my responsibilities. There are also outcomes I cannot command. Pain does not have the final word, restoration and a life beyond suffering is ever present, the promise of resurrection is now within our hope of peace.

Perhaps this is the reassurance we all need as leaders, we can be accountable without surrendering our dignity. We can be tired and still have faith. Answers may not always come immediately, sometimes they emerge. For me, the Sorrowful Mysteries offer both a way to reflect on leadership and a way to live it. Whatever I am carrying, I can return to them with faith that the wisdom I need is there, waiting to be understood.

To lead is a privilege, and to be formed and supported as a Catholic leader is a gift for which I remain deeply grateful. The Mission Leadership Program helped me recognise how faith can shape the way we listen, discern and care for others. Praying the Sorrowful Mysteries continues that formation within the ordinary, sometimes painful realities of leadership.

In the Ignatian spirit of reflection, we are all invited to notice where God has been present, examen our own responses honestly, and discern the next faithful step. Return to the wisdom already given to us, trust that through prayer and attention, its meaning will continue to unfold.

The leader who stays awake also needs a place to rest. In God's presence, we can bring that which we carry, receive the grace to continue, and remember that we, too, are held.